Article Image Alt Text

DayeTime: Trump wants Greenland (I said it first)

I have often said that I wouldn’t vote for myself for President because I sometimes have way out ideas about how the world should be run.

The other day I was waxing poetic about how we need to kick the Danes out of our front yard and take Greenland.

I suggested we would offer to buy the big ice cube and, if Denmark refused, we could send the Rhode Island National Guard over to change their minds and occupy the island.

Jokingly, I said, “Don’t tell Donald Trump. He might think it’s a good idea.”

I may have expressed my thoughts too loudly, since our President has reportedly floated the idea of buying the world’s largest island from one of Europe’s smallest countries.

At one point when I was a pre-teen bent on world conquest, Greenland was going to be my first campaign. After kicking the Scandinavians out of American waters, I thought I’d turn my sights on the Caribbean and liberate the Caymans from my Irish and Scot ancestors’ old nemesis, the English.

Shhhhhhhh. Not so loud. He may be listening.

Apparently the Danes don’t think selling Greenland is as good an idea as 10-year-old me and 74-year-old Donald Trump do.

In all honesty, I still think it’s a good idea.

I wasn’t the first to think of this real estate deal. The Danes were approached in the 1940s about the possibility. They weren’t interested then, either.

I think the Canadians may have even entertained eastward expansionist ideas at one time.

Annexing Greenland might pose more disadvantages than advantages. I saw a report that Denmark spends the equivalent of about $750 million a year to support the sparsely populated, ice-covered giant island.

Greenland has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Why? Is it the climate? Is it being stuck on a very big island with only a small living area for about 50,000 people?

Is it their Scandinavian background -- all dark and brooding and such? They do have a reputation for looking on the dark side of life.

I probably wouldn’t declare war on Great Britain and France to kick them off their little Caribbean islands -- what few they may have left.

I might not even take on the Vikings to gain control of a great big island.

Then again, in 10 years when I’m as old as Trump, who knows?

Shoot, by then the Greenlanders may be sipping mojitos under palm trees and soaking up the tropical sun, if Al Gore is right about this global warming thing.

As I said, I often come up with off-the-wall ideas that I may or may not really believe.

I do believe, however, that I wouldn’t vote for me just in case I am serious and might try to enact those off-the-wall ideas.

You see, the only thing worse than a politician who doesn’t do what he said he would is one who does.

I guess one good thing about having Greenland would be that it is a nice, big, out-of-the-way place to send our illegal aliens.

Shhhhhhhhhh.

AVOYELLES JOURNAL
BUNKIE RECORD
MARKSVILLE WEEKLY

105 N Main St
Marksville, LA 71351
(318) 253-9247