Avoyelles Bids Farewell to “Alphonse” with Laughter, Stories, and a Fiery Sendoff

MARKSVILLE – On Tuesday evening, locals packed the patio of Broken Wheel Brewery for one of the most unusual funerals Avoyelles Parish has ever seen. The gathering was not for a person, but for a persona, the legendary paper-bag-wearing commentator known simply as
Alphonse A. Alphonse.

For decades, Alphonse gave Avoyelles residents something to laugh about, argue over, and occasionally blush at. His satirical columns poked fun at politicians, taxes, and small-town gossip, all from behind the safety of a brown paper bag.

The event opened with Alphonse’s obituary, first read in French by Terry Laborde, then in English by Wilbert Carmouche. Mayor John Lemoine of Marksville shared memories and laughs about Alphonse’s long legacy of keeping the parish on its toes. Bill Belt and Garland Foreman also spoke, each adding their own colorful tribute. One guest even took the microphone to read a
clever poem written in the same rhythm and tone as Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven, a humorous spoof that replaced the dark refrain of “Nevermore” with playful jabs at Randy and Alphonse’s long-running antics in Avoyelles.

The evening’s most touching moment came when longtime journalist and former publisher Randy DeCuir reflected on Alphonse’s humble beginnings and the voice he gave to the people of Avoyelles. DeCuir explained that when he sold Avoyelles Publishing to the nonprofit Building aBetter Avoyelles, it felt like the right time to retire the old Alphonse and pass the torch to a new one.

The “funeral” was also a fundraiser. Patrons lined up to snap one last photo with the iconic paper bag for a $10 donation. In true Avoyelles fashion, laughter mixed with nostalgia as stories of Alphonse’s mischief filled the air.

When the final toast was raised, the paper bag that symbolized Alphonse was ceremoniously burned in the brewery’s fireplace by Bill Belt and Randy DeCuir. The act drew cheers and a few mock tears as everyone said their goodbyes.

In total, $405 was collected during the evening. All proceeds will go toward helping the VFW Hall in Mansura install a new floor in their meeting room.

As Broken Wheel’s taps flowed with local brews like the Pachafa and Spring Bayou Blond, one thing became clear. In Avoyelles Parish, even a funeral can bring folks together for a good cause, a good laugh, and a good story.