Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak

By: Aliya Deshotel

I have always been the quiet person in the room.

Growing up, people would often tell me to speak up. They would ask what I was thinking or encourage me to share my opinion more. For a long time I wondered if maybe they were right — maybe being quiet meant I was missing something.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to see it differently.

I’ve realized that sometimes there is strength in simply listening.

When I’m in a conversation, I tend to sit back and take everything in. I listen to what people say, how they say it, and even what they might be feeling underneath their words. I think about it and let it sit with me before responding. I study their body language, and use it to understand how they feel about what they're saying, and how they feel about those words and their environment.

I’m rarely the first person to speak.

And honestly, I’m glad.

Even though I may not say much right away, listening allows me to understand situations more deeply and think carefully about my response instead of reacting in the moment. Of course, sometimes my face probably gives away what I’m thinking anyway.

But there can be wisdom in slowing down before speaking. Now I am certainly not saying I am wise by any means, but I do think this is a smart tactic.

The Bible actually speaks directly to this. In James 1:19 it says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Those few words hold a lot of truth about how we should approach conversations with others.

Listening first allows us to respond with patience and understanding instead of emotion.

Psychologists have also studied the power of listening in communication. Research shows that people who pause and listen carefully tend to understand situations more clearly and respond more thoughtfully. Strong leaders, counselors, and mediators often practice something called active listening, which means intentionally absorbing what someone is saying before responding.

Listening builds understanding. And understanding builds stronger relationships.

The Bible reinforces this idea in several places. Proverbs 18:13 says, “To answer before listening, that is folly and shame.” In other words, speaking too quickly without fully hearing someone can easily lead to misunderstanding.

Another verse, Proverbs 17:27, reminds us that “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint.” Wisdom is not always found in speaking the most, sometimes it is found in knowing when to pause.

In a world where everyone feels the need to respond immediately, there is something refreshing about taking a step back and truly listening.

Listening doesn’t mean you don’t have thoughts or opinions. It simply means you care enough to understand the full picture before sharing them. Too often, people comment on situations or judge others without ever knowing the full story. We see it all the time on social media, where quick reactions can spread faster than understanding.

There is something peaceful about a different approach. When we listen more and react less, conversations become calmer. Misunderstandings can be avoided. And sometimes people simply feel heard, which is something we all need.

Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is “a time to be silent and a time to speak.” Knowing the difference between those moments is important. Sometimes I don’t always know when to speak and when to stay quiet (my husband would probably say I lean toward not staying quiet…). But I do know that when I’m frustrated, it’s better not to speak. I’ve learned to pause, because what feels big in the moment may not matter later. And if it truly does, I’ll still remember it, just with a clearer mind.

Being the quiet person in the room may not always seem like a strength. But listening allows us to learn more about people, understand situations more clearly, and respond with greater care.

Maybe the quiet people in the room aren’t quiet because they have nothing to say.

Maybe they’re quiet because they’re still listening.