T-Alphonse Sez: The Original Alphonse Reaches Out from the Grave with Election Predictions

Editor’s note: By the time the original Alphonse reached out with these predictions, our next paper was scheduled to reach readers the day after the election. He made these picks before the votes were counted, and we’re printing them as he called them. Let’s see how close he came to the results from last night’s election.

Alphonse sez that in the many, many years that Alphonse has predicted political races, there has never been one like this one.

Two contested elections for judge occurring at one time has only happened once, and that was in 1996.

For DA, Eddie Knoll was elected in 1972 and served for 30 years. He was challenged only once in his five terms. Then, little Charlie was elected in a contested race in 2002 and has served three terms, being challenged only once. And now we have a race for DA with two new candidates.

Add to this the new style of campaigning. All of this social media stuff makes it really hard to make predictions.

To make the predictions for this article, Alphonse has ignored social media, mainly because Alphonse does not know how to work it.

Instead, Alphonse has made lots of calls; gone to lots of suppers; talked to lots of people. Along the way, Alphonse has come up with predictions looking at a few pros and cons for each candidate in each race. Here goes:

1. DA race between Jonathan and Chad

POSITIVE FOR JONATHAN: Says he will be able to call little Charlie for help at any time.

NEGATIVE FOR JONATHAN: Says he will be able to call little Charlie for help at any time.

POSITIVE FOR CHAD: Lots and lots of courtroom experience as chief public defender.

NEGATIVE FOR CHAD: No experience as prosecutor.

PREDICTED RESULT: Chad 53%, Jonathan 47%

2. Division A judge

POSITIVE FOR LADY ALISSA: Will always have dad to call on for judging advice.

NEGATIVE FOR LADY ALISSA: Will always have dad to call on for judging advice.

POSITIVE FOR JUDGE MARK: Served as judge for 12 years and made lots of people happy.

NEGATIVE FOR JUDGE MARK: Served as judge for 12 years and made lots of people mad.

PREDICTED RESULT: Judge Mark 54%, Lady Alissa 46%

3. Division B judge

POSITIVE FOR BARRY: Ran for judge and then DA. Third time could be the charm. A Republican.

NEGATIVE FOR BARRY: Ran for judge and came out third and is now lots older. A plaintiff’s lawyer.

POSITIVE FOR WESLEY: Sounds really good and has big family.

NEGATIVE FOR WESLEY: A plaintiff’s lawyer and not well known.

POSITIVE FOR LADY ELIZABETH: Sounds really smart and has lots of experience.

NEGATIVE FOR LADY ELIZABETH: Not an Avoyellean and not really well known.

POSITIVE FOR KIRK: Sounds like what you expect a judge to sound like and really big family.

NEGATIVE FOR KIRK: Relying too much on social media.

PREDICTED RESULT: Barry 32%; Lady Elizabeth 24%; Wesley 23%; Kirk 21%

All in all, Alphonse sez that each race has candidates who are very, very different from one another, and all have a strong following. The results will depend on who gets their voters to actually vote.

From the November 4, 2026, edition of The Avoyelles Journal.