Tee Alphonse Watching the Winter Limpics

Tee Alphonse been watching the Winter Limpics.

He don’t fully understand why anybody would strap boards to their feet and slide down a frozen mountain on purpose, but he respects the effort. After a few nights of watching folks sweep ice and spin in circles, he noticed something missing.

Not one Cajun.

So Tee Alphonse says it’s time to add a real event: The Crawfish Trap Classic.

Picture it.

A row of Cajuns lined up on the edge of the bayou in their pirogues. Knit hats pulled down tight. White rubber boots. Old hunting jackets with a Little Debbie tucked in the pocket in case they get hungry mid-competition. Purple crawfish sacks stacked in a neat pile behind them like they already expecting victory.

Each contestant gets no motor, just a paddle and a prayer. They’ve got 100 real wire net crawfish traps soaking in muddy water, hung on every hidden stump in the parish. Every trap has to be checked and rebaited with shad, that slippery, slimy fish that smells like it’s been riding around in the truck too long.

Open the trap. Shake out the crawfish. Rebait it. Reset it. Move on.

First one to finish wins.

If there’s a tie, the one with the most pounds of crawfish takes the gold.

And just to keep it competitive, the winner gets to bring home everybody’s catch.

Now that’s a winter sport.

Official Sponsors Could Include:

• Super Shawn’s

• Zatarain’s Seasoning

• The Propane Industry

• Local 318 Shad Dippers Union

• Simmesport Reebok White Rubber Boot Company

You put a man from Avoyelles in that lineup and I promise you, we finally bringing home a medal.

They just might have to play the national anthem on an accordion.